Value of Mallu Blood

A Sheikh was admitted at the Lilavati Hospital in  Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of  countries.

Finally a malayalee named  Rajappan Neyyattinkara,
Kerala was located who had a similar type of
blood. Rajappan willingly donated his blood for the Sheikh.
After the surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan as
appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a Million Dinars.

Once again the Sheikh had to go through a  Corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Rajappan who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappana thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. Rajappan was shocked to see that the Sheikh this time did not reciprocateRajappan's kind gesture as he had anticipated. 
He phoned the Sheikh and said 'This time also I
thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery....    But you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.

At this the Sheikh replied: 'Mone Rajappa...now I have a malayalee's blood in my veins!' 

Family Problem - Nice one

Santa-Banta Jokes

Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””


Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what hapened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.


Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooo cute!!!”


Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa.
Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”


Santa taking grammar lessons
“If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!”


Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.


Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.


Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?


Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!


Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!


Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."

Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

A Millionaire and Three Beggers (Mind Blowing Story)

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town. Three beggars thought of approaching him for help. The first man went to the millionaire and said: "O Lord! I want five rupees. Please give me." The millionaire was taken aback at this man's impudence. "What! You demand five rupees from me as though I owe you the money! How dare you? How can I afford to give five rupees to a single beggar? Here, take these two rupees and get away," he said. The man went away with the two rupees.

The next beggar went to the millionaire and said: "Oh Lord! I have not taken a square meal for the past ten days. Please help me."
"How much do you want?" asked the millionaire.

"Whatever you give me, Maharaj," replied the beggar.
"Here, take this ten rupee note. You can have nice food for at least three days." The beggar walked away with the ten rupee note.

The third beggar came. "Oh Lord, I have heard about your noble qualities. Therefore, I have come to see you. Men of such charitable disposition are verily the manifestations of God on earth," he said.

"Please sit down," said the millionaire. "You appear to be tired. Please take this food," he said, and offered food to the beggar.
"Now please tell me what I can do for you."

"Oh Lord," replied the beggar; "I merely came to meet such a  noble personage that you are. You have given me this rich food already. What more need I get from you? You have already shown extraordinary kindness towards me. May God bless you!"

But the millionaire, struck by the beggar's spirit, begged of the beggar to remain with him, built a decent house for him in his own compound, and looked after him for the rest of his life.

God is like this good millionaire. Three classes of people approach Him, with three different desires and prayers. There is the greedy man full of vanity, full of arrogance, full of desires. He demands the objects of worldly enjoyment from God. Since this man, whatever be his vile desires, has had the good sense to approach God, He grants him some part of the desired objects (even these very soon pass away, just as the two rupees the first beggar got are spent before nightfall).

The other type of devotee prays to the Lord for relief from the sufferings of the world, but is better than the first one, in as much as he is ready to abide by His Will. To him the Lord grants full relief from suffering, and bestows on him much wealth and property.

The third type  he merely prays to the Lord: "O Lord, Thou art Existence-Absolute, Knowledge-Absolute, Bliss-Absolute, etc., etc." What does he want? Nothing. But the Lord is highly pleased with his spirit of renunciation, of desirelessness and of self-surrender. Therefore, He makes him eat His own food, i.e., He grants this man Supreme Devotion to Himself. Over and above this, He makes the devotee to live in His own House For ever afterwards this devotee dwells in the Lord's Abode as a Liberated Sage

Foot Prints in the Sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of Footprints in the sand: one belonging To him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very Lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he Questioned the Lord about it:

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You, you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most Troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering, When you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Men Will be Men, Come what May

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...' YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.  The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
 
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.

Ha Ha Ha..

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down.

Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears.

“My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.

“Then what’s the matter?

“I’m trying to give up drinking.”  

Wish to all readers, happy and prosperous New Year!

Flight Conversation

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’  
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’  
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.  
   
‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass – . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’  
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’  
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit ?

Older men

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies:-
 

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

 

2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

 

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

 

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

 

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

 

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

 

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

 

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

 

9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

 

10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

 

11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.

What a Love!

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers  decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot..

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.

Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..




"This is Nirma Washing Powder"

"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma.Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free
 
I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me..

Height of..

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:?
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each
other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:?
Two persons fighting through scraps.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:??
Receiving no scraps for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:?
The scrap server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:?
A person sending scaps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:?
A person sending scrap to himself.

HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:?
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:?
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded
back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:?
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP" when u are unable to swim..

Peanuts story

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. 

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again

he asks the little old lady,

" why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks,

"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, 

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Mother In Law

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
that he is  going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay
Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?"

The mother replies, “I don't like her."...