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Value of Mallu Blood

2010-04-13T13:34:00.000+05:30

A Sheikh was admitted at the Lilavati Hospital in  Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of  countries.

Finally a malayalee named  Rajappan Neyyattinkara,
Kerala was located who had a similar type of
blood. Rajappan willingly donated his blood for the Sheikh.
After the surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan as
appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery, and a Million Dinars.

Once again the Sheikh had to go through a  Corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Rajappan who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappana thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. Rajappan was shocked to see that the Sheikh this time did not reciprocateRajappan's kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Sheikh and said 'This time also I
thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery....    But you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.

At this the Sheikh replied: 'Mone Rajappa...now I have a malayalee's blood in my veins!'

Family Problem - Nice one

2010-03-07T09:20:00.001+05:30

Santa-Banta Jokes

2010-02-18T07:10:00.000+05:30

Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””

Santa’s wife hit him on the head with the frying pan.
Santa: What was that for?
Santa’s Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the same BASANTI on it.
Santa: I bet on a horse last week and BASANTI was the name of my horse.
Santa’s wife: Oho Sorry
Next day she hit him with the frying pan again.
Santa: now what hapened?
Santa’s wife: your horse is on the phone.

Santa tells his dad, “Pappaji there is this kid in school who calls me gay”
Santa’s Dad:” Oye beta then punch him!!!”
Santa: “ No papa he is sooooo cute!!!”

Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa.
Santa says “ first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?”

Santa taking grammar lessons
“If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!”

Officer Santa: Madam swimming is restricted in this lake.
Lady: why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer Santa: That is not restricted.

Santa: oye waiter ek mast chai pilao jo pura badan hila de.
Waiter: hamare yahan gaai ka doodh aata hai , Rakhi Sawant ka nahin.

Santa’s wife: Oye JI stop looking at other women you are married now.
Santa: Arre you mean if I am on diet I cant look at the menu also?

Santa and Banta were looking at an Egyptian Mummy at a museum.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Banta: Yes you are right. See lorry number is also written BC 1760 !!!

Teacher: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIRHOSTESS!!!!

Santa: That girl is deaf
Banta: How do you know?
Santa: I said I love her, she said her chapels are new

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Banta: When I get mad at u, u never fight back. How do u control ur anger?
Preeto: I clean the toilet.
Banta: How does that help?
Preeto: I use ur toothbrush.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."

Banta ek Sadhu se bola: " Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao."
Sadhu: "Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?"

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first -
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Titanic was sinking. Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards!

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

A Millionaire and Three Beggers (Mind Blowing Story)

2010-01-13T13:44:00.002+05:30

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town. Three beggars thought of approaching him for help. The first man went to the millionaire and said: "O Lord! I want five rupees. Please give me." The millionaire was taken aback at this man's impudence. "What! You demand five rupees from me as though I owe you the money! How dare you? How can I afford to give five rupees to a single beggar? Here, take these two rupees and get away," he said. The man went away with the two rupees.

The next beggar went to the millionaire and said: "Oh Lord! I have not taken a square meal for the past ten days. Please help me."
"How much do you want?" asked the millionaire.

"Whatever you give me, Maharaj," replied the beggar.
"Here, take this ten rupee note. You can have nice food for at least three days." The beggar walked away with the ten rupee note.

The third beggar came. "Oh Lord, I have heard about your noble qualities. Therefore, I have come to see you. Men of such charitable disposition are verily the manifestations of God on earth," he said.

"Please sit down," said the millionaire. "You appear to be tired. Please take this food," he said, and offered food to the beggar.
"Now please tell me what I can do for you."

"Oh Lord," replied the beggar; "I merely came to meet such a noble personage that you are. You have given me this rich food already. What more need I get from you? You have already shown extraordinary kindness towards me. May God bless you!"

But the millionaire, struck by the beggar's spirit, begged of the beggar to remain with him, built a decent house for him in his own compound, and looked after him for the rest of his life.

God is like this good millionaire. Three classes of people approach Him, with three different desires and prayers. There is the greedy man full of vanity, full of arrogance, full of desires. He demands the objects of worldly enjoyment from God. Since this man, whatever be his vile desires, has had the good sense to approach God, He grants him some part of the desired objects (even these very soon pass away, just as the two rupees the first beggar got are spent before nightfall).

The other type of devotee prays to the Lord for relief from the sufferings of the world, but is better than the first one, in as much as he is ready to abide by His Will. To him the Lord grants full relief from suffering, and bestows on him much wealth and property.

The third type he merely prays to the Lord: "O Lord, Thou art Existence-Absolute, Knowledge-Absolute, Bliss-Absolute, etc., etc." What does he want? Nothing. But the Lord is highly pleased with his spirit of renunciation, of desirelessness and of self-surrender. Therefore, He makes him eat His own food, i.e., He grants this man Supreme Devotion to Himself. Over and above this, He makes the devotee to live in His own House For ever afterwards this devotee dwells in the Lord's Abode as a Liberated Sage

Foot Prints in the Sand

2010-01-13T13:36:00.000+05:30

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of Footprints in the sand: one belonging To him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, He looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very Lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he Questioned the Lord about it:

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You, you'd walk with me all the way.

But I have noticed that during the most Troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering, When you see only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Men Will be Men, Come what May

2010-01-13T09:15:00.000+05:30

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm 'completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...' YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid.. Not all blondes are dumb, But all men are men.

Ha Ha Ha..

2009-12-30T13:51:00.000+05:30

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago, biting his fingernails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”

The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and seems to calm down.

Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees him shaking and biting his nails again. She brings him another drink which he downs immediately. A half hour later she returns to see him shaking uncontrollably, and almost in tears.

“My goodness,” the flight attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”

“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.

“Then what’s the matter?

“I’m trying to give up drinking.”

2009-12-28T14:58:00.004+05:30

Wish to all readers, happy and prosperous New Year!

Flight Conversation

2009-12-08T13:41:00.002+05:30

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass – . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit ?

Older men

2009-11-21T17:55:00.002+05:30

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
John says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just pooped my pants."

The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

2009-11-19T12:36:00.002+05:30

The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies:-

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.

What a Love!

2009-11-19T12:02:00.003+05:30

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot..

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.

Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..

"This is Nirma Washing Powder"

"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma.Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free

I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me..

Height of..

2009-11-18T14:35:00.001+05:30

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:?
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each
other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:?
Two persons fighting through scraps.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:??
Receiving no scraps for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:?
The scrap server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.

HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:?
A person sending scaps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:?
A person sending scrap to himself.

HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:?
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:?
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded
back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:?
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP" when u are unable to swim..

Peanuts story

2009-11-18T14:33:00.001+05:30

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again

he asks the little old lady,

" why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks,

"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Mother In Law

2009-11-18T14:30:00.000+05:30

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to
marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay
Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?"

The mother replies, “I don't like her."...

Don't Copy if you can't Paste..

2009-11-11T13:49:00.001+05:30

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Family planning by aeroplanes...

2009-11-11T12:56:00.002+05:30

Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York .

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and Asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes Have baby planes???? '

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the Pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight Attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't Planes have baby planes?'

The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me That?' The little boy admitted that she did.

Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.

Now, let your mother Explain that to you.

Change your password now!

2009-11-11T12:48:00.002+05:30

Ramya was about to leave office after finishing her work. She got a call from her husband Karthi,

RAMYA(R): “Hello, yes Karthi”.

KARTHI(K): “Ramya, can you open my gmail and get a print out of the mail from that US consultant I forgot to take it in my office”

(R): “Yes, I can, I need your password”

(K): “jeni22091980″

(R): “Ok fine”

She takes the print out and logs out. Some thought struck her mind now.

JENI happens to be his college mate. Hmmm…

She decides not to discuss this with Karthi. She simply opens her mail box and changes the password from “mohan143″ to “karthiramya” and leaves for home!

MORAL OF THE STORY: Change your password! NOW!

Phalitha bindukkal

2009-11-11T10:41:00.003+05:30

Read Malayala manorama online "Phalitha Bindukkal"

Sanjayante Phalithangal

2009-11-10T15:30:00.000+05:30

മാണിക്കോത്ത് രാമുണ്ണി നായര്‍. ജനനം: 1903 ജൂണ്‍ 13, മരണം: ക്ഷമിക്കണം, അദ്ദേഹത്തിനു മരണമില്ല! ഓ, ആളെ മനസ്സിലായില്ല, അല്ലേ? സഞ്‌ജയന്‍ എന്നു പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ ഒരു പക്ഷേ, പിടി കിട്ടിയേക്കും. വെറും നാല്പതു വര്‍ഷത്തെ ജീവിതം കൊണ്ട് നാലോ നാല്പതോ തലമുറയ്ക്ക് ഇരുന്നു ചിരിക്കാനുള്ള വക ഉണ്ടാക്കിയ പ്രതിഭാശാലിയാണ് അദ്ദേഹം. സഞ്ജയനു മരണമില്ല എന്നു പറയാനുള്ള കാരണം ഇതു മാത്രമല്ല; ഇക്കാലത്തെ ‘തമാശനിര്‍മാതാക്കള്‍’ പോലും സഞ്ജയന്റെ ഫലിതങ്ങള്‍ തെല്ലും മാറ്റമില്ലാ‍തെ അടിച്ചു മാറ്റി സ്വന്തം പേരിലാക്കാന്‍ ഉത്സാഹം കാണിക്കുന്നതുകൊണ്ടു കൂടിയാണ്.

തമാശയുടെ ആ മഹാലോകത്തേക്കുള്ള ഒരു കൊച്ചു വാതിലാണിത്. ഒരു രസികന്‍ വാതില്‍!

Google knows it!

2009-11-09T16:23:00.006+05:30

Solution for every problems

2009-11-09T14:52:00.000+05:30

There is a Solution for every problem....

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden,
but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a
letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

"Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year.

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting
time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were
here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me,
if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad"
........................................................

Shortly afterwards, the old man received this telegram:

"For Heaven's sake, Dad,don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the
GUNS!"

The next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
happened and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best
I could do for you from here."

Moral Of the Story

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,

IF YOU DECIDE TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.

IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS.

Honest Man's life

2009-11-09T14:44:00.005+05:30

This story tell us not to be 'too kind' to our bosses...... . Here it goes:

There's this Jaga Singh who was working for a multi-millionaire as a house guard. One day, while the millionaire was driving out to catch an early morning flight to conclude a business deal, Jaga Singh ran out from the guard house and stopped the millionaire' s car just right in front of the gate.

He said 'Sir..Sir.. are you going to board a plane?'

'Yes, why?' asked the millionaire.

'You had better cancel the trip. You see, last night I dreamt about the plane going to crash.'

Curious over the early morning fright that Jaga Singh had given, the multimillionaire decided to cancel his trip. 'You better be damn right for this is a million dollar deal.'

The following day, there were news reports that the plane which the millionaire was supposed to take had indeed crash landed. 'Thank God, I cancelled the trip,.' the rich man said Realising that what Jaga Singh had said had come true, he called the Singh to see him.

When the guard was called that morning, the millionaire gave him his salary and FIRED him.

WHY ?

Think first....

Use your brains

Use your brains!!!!!

Still no idea??

Come on...... it is very easy....

Still drawing a blank????

Just imagine you are the Singh and you have saved your boss's life........

OK-lah, since you do not want to 'use your brains' like Jaga Singh before you talk to your boss........ ..

Just scroll down for the answer...

ANSWER

Jaga Singh was supposed to guard! the house at night. NOT to Sleep and Dream all night!

So, GO BACK TO WORK!! and Don't try to save your boss's life!! It's not worth it!!! Always save your own ass first....!!! !!!!!!

Surinder Singh

Snotty Receptionist

2009-11-06T16:22:00.001+05:30

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.   As he approached the receptionist' s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman. The gentleman gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,   "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.   He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

"DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS"

Clever Indian

2009-11-05T12:11:00.004+05:30

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:

"Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.

"Very good!"

Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

"General Custer, 1862."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.

Best poem of 2008 nominated by UN

2009-11-05T10:14:00.002+05:30

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

-written by an African kid

Ideas To Sucide!

2009-10-31T10:26:00.005+05:30

Wrong Number

2009-10-30T15:49:00.000+05:30

"ഹല്ലോ ജോസുകുട്ടിയല്ലേ?"
"അതേ"
"തിരുവല്ലേന്ന് സണ്ണിച്ചായനാടാ,,"
"...................."
"മനസ്സിലായില്ലേ?"
"..പിന്നേ അതെന്താ അങ്ങിനെപറഞ്ഞേ..."
"നീയെന്നാ ബസ്സിലാണോ?"
"അതേ.."
"എന്നാ പിന്നെ വിളിക്കാം"
"വേണ്ടാ...പറഞ്ഞോളൂ...അല്‍പ്പം തിരക്കുണ്ട്‌ എന്നാലും സാരല്ല്യ"
"എന്തുണ്ടടാ വിശേഷങ്ങള്‍..പറഞ്ഞേ.."
"പ്രത്യേകിച്ച്‌ ഒന്നുമില്ല"
"അപ്പനുമമ്മക്കും സുഖാല്ലേ.."
"അപ്പന്‍ എന്റെകൂടയാ...
അമ്മച്ചി സിസിലിയുടെ കൂടെയാ..അവളു രണ്ടാമത്‌ പെറ്റുകിടക്കുന്നു."

"ങാ...സിസിലിയെ കണ്ടിട്ട്‌ ഒരുപാടുകാലായി..അവള്‌ ഗള്‍ഫിലാല്ലായിരുന്നോ?"
"അല്ലല്ല...അവള്‌ നാട്ടീത്തന്നെയല്ലേ..സലീനയാണ്‌ ഗള്‍ഫില്‍"
"സലീനയോ...എനിക്കങ്ങ്‌ ഓര്‍ക്കണില്ലാ.."
"സണ്ണിച്ചായന്റെ വിശേഷം പറയൂ..."
"നീ ഇപ്പെ എന്തോക്കായാ പണി..പഴേ കച്ചോടൊക്കെയുണ്ടോ?"
"കച്ചോടോ...അല്‍പ്പം റബ്ബര്‍വെട്ടാനുണ്ട്‌..പിന്നെ ഇത്തിരി നെല്‍ കൃഷീണ്ട്‌.."
"നിനക്ക്‌ കച്ചോടമെന്തൊ ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നതായാണ്‌ എന്റെ ഓര്‍മ്മ"
"അതെനിക്കല്ല..."

"പിള്ളേരൊക്കെയെന്തെടുക്കുന്നു?"
"മൂത്തവള്‌ പ്ലസ്സ്‌ വണ്‍ ചെറക്കന്‍ എട്ടിലും"
"നിനക്ക്‌ രണ്ട്‌ പെണ്ണായിരുന്നെന്നാ ഞാന്‍ കരുതിയത്‌"
"അത്‌ കുഞ്ഞുമോനല്ലേ?"
"ഞാന്‍ വിളിച്ചതേ...അപ്പന്റെ നാല്‍പ്പതാണ്‌ വരുന്ന ശനിയാഴ്ച..
നീ പെണ്ണിനേം പിള്ളേരേം കൂട്ടി വരണം.വന്ന് വിളിക്കാനോന്നും നേരമില്ല.
എല്ലാത്തിനും ഞാന്‍ തന്നെ വേണ്ടേ?"
"അപ്പന്‍ മരിച്ചത്‌ ഞാന്‍ അറിഞ്ഞില്ല..കിടപ്പായിരുന്നോ?"
"അപ്പേ നീയും പെണ്ണുംകൂടിയല്ലേ ആശുപത്രിയില്‍ വന്നതും ..
പിന്നെ മരിച്ചപ്പോള്‍ അപ്പനുമമ്മച്ചിയുമായി വന്നതും"
".............................."

"തെറ്റാലിക്കലെ ജോസ്‌ കുട്ടിയല്ലേ?'...
മര്‍ക്കോസുചേട്ടന്റെ മോന്‍,,,"
"അല്ലല്ല..ഞാന്‍ പ്ലാമടയിലെ തോമസ്സിന്റെ മകനാ...
ചേട്ടനുദ്ദേശിച്ച ആളല്ല..റോങ്ങ്‌ നമ്പറാ."

"ഛേ ഇത്‌ നേരത്തെ പറയ്ണ്ടേ..
എന്നാ അപ്പന്റെ നാല്‍പ്പതിന്നും വരണ്ടാ..ശരി"

ടെന്ഷന്‍

2009-10-30T15:47:00.000+05:30

ഒരു പെണ്കുട്ടി നിങ്ങളോട് ലിഫ്റ്റ്‌ ചോദിക്കുന്നു ,
വഴിക്ക് വച്ചു അവള്ക്ക് തലകറക്കം ,
നിങ്ങള്‍ അവളെ ഹോസ്പിറ്റലില്‍ കൊണ്ടുപോകുന്നു .
ഡോക്ടര്‍ പറഞ്ഞു 'നിങ്ങള്‍ അച്ഛനാകാന്‍ പോകുന്നു '
നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് ടെന്‍ഷന്‍ ആയി
അപ്പോള്‍ നിങ്ങള്‍ : 'ഞാന്‍ അല്ല ഇതിന്റെ അച്ഛന്‍ ..!!!'
അപ്പോള്‍ ഡോക്ടര്‍ പെണ്‍കുട്ടിയോട് ചോദിച്ചു ..
പെണ്‍കുട്ടി പറഞ്ഞു 'ഇയാളാണ് കുഞ്ഞിന്റെ അച്ഛന്‍ '
ദെ പിന്നെയും ടെന്‍ഷന്‍ ...
പിന്നെ പോലീസ് വന്നു ..
നിങ്ങളുടെ മെഡിക്കല്‍ ചെക്കപ്‌ നടന്നു ...
റിപ്പോര്ട്ട് വന്നു ....!!!
'നിങ്ങള്ക്ക് ഒരിക്കലും അച്ഛനാകാന്‍ പറ്റിലാ ...'
ഹാവൂ രക്ഷപെട്ടു ....
നിങ്ങള്‍ സന്തോഷത്തോടെ പുറത്തിറങ്ങുന്നു ....
പിന്നെ ആലോചിച്ചു അപ്പോള്‍ വീട്ടിലുള്ള 2 കുട്ടികള്‍ ആരുടെയാണ് ...
പിന്നെയും ടെന്‍ഷന്‍ ............

Crazy not equal to stupid

2009-10-29T13:52:00.002+05:30

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him said "can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that" The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy....... not STUPID !"

God's own country!

2009-10-27T17:36:00.010+05:30

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when He Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priestand went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby Nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then travelled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 Per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same
"$10,000Per call" sign under it.
Then he arrived Kerala
the first church he entered, He saw there Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it "One Rupee per call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.."
Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same GoldenTelephone in many churches.
All of them told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the Kerala price was "One Rupee per call."
Why is it so cheap here........?"

Readers, it is your turn........

Think .....before you scroll

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Kerala now, the GOD's OWN COUNTRY, Son - it's a Local Call". This is the only heaven in the Earth.

Intelligent Riddle!

2009-10-26T16:54:00.007+05:30

It has been said that Eighty percent of Kindergartners solved this riddle, but only 5% of Stanford graduates figured it out!

Can you answer the following questions? in just one, same word? Yes, the answer is the same for all....JUST ONE WORD

1. The word has seven letters...
2. Preceded God...
3. Greater than God...
4. More Evil than the devil...
5. All poor people have it...
6. Wealthy people need it...
7. If you eat it, you will die.

Did you figure it out?

Try hard before looking at the answers

Did you get it yet?

Give up?

Brace yourself for the answer....

Scroll down..

!!

!!

!!

!!

!!

!!

!!

The Answer is:

" NOTHING! "

NOTHING has 7 letters.
NOTHING preceded God.NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more Evil than the devil.
All poor people have NOTHING.
Wealthy people need NOTHING.
If you eat NOTHING, you will die.

Send this Brain Teaser to your Smart friends and see if they are ready to go to school once again..

Most used shortest word in English!

2009-10-26T13:48:00.001+05:30

What is the world UP TO ????

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)

There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'

It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use ! it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is choked UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.We seem to be pretty mixed UPabout UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now........ my time is UP, so time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning the last thing you do at night?
U P

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book.

Now, I'll shut UP.

Three Kick Rule

2009-10-26T13:36:00.000+05:30

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell int o a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Cowra . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

(I love this part)

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

When you are educated, you'll believe only half of what you hear.

When you're intelligent, you know which half.

The Story Of Latiff

2009-10-26T13:33:00.002+05:30

Latiff was the poorest beggar of the village. Every night he slept in the hall of a different house, in front of the town square.

Every day he had a short rest under a different tree, with a widespread hand and a far away look in his thoughts. Every evening he would eat the alms or the crusts that some charitable person brought over to him.

Without embargo, in spite of his aspect and the way his days happened, Latiff was considered by all to be the wisest man of town, perhaps not so much because of his intelligence, but by what he had lived.

One sunny morning the king appeared in the square, surrounded by his guards, walking between the fruits and trinkets looking for nothing.

Laughing at the merchants and at the buyers, the king and his entourage almost stumbled over Latiff, who was dozing in the shade of a holm oak. Someone told the king that he was in front of the poorest of his subdits, but also in front of one of the most respected men because of his knowledge.

The king, entertained, approached the beggar and said to him, "If you answer my question, I will give you this golden coin."

Latiff looked at it, almost contemptuously, and said to him, "You can keep your coin, what will I do with it anyway? What is your question?"

The king felt defied by the response and instead of a banal question, he asked a question that was bothering him for days and that he could not solve; a problem of goods and resources that analysts had not solved for him.

Latiff's response was wise and creative. The king was surprised; he left the coin at the feet of the beggar and continued on his way to the market, pondering the events.

The next day he came back directly to where Latiff was resting; this time under an olive grove. Again the king posed a question and again Latiff answered it rapidly and wisely. The king was surprised again at so much intelligence. In a humble act, he took off his sandals and sat in front of Latiff.

"Latiff, I need you", the king said to him. "I am overwhelmed by the decisions that as king I must make. I do not want to harm my people and neither do I want to be an evil king. I ask you to come to the palace to be my adviser. I promise you that you should not fear at all, that you will be respected and that you will be able to leave whenever you want... Please."

Whether it was out of compassion, for service or for surprise, Latiff, after thinking a few minutes, accepted the proposal of the king.

That same evening Latiff came into the palace, where immediately a luxurious room was assigned to him. The room was close to the king's room and had a tub filled with essences and lukewarm water waiting for him.

During the following weeks the consultations with the king became habitual. Every day, in the morning, and in the evening, the monarch ordered his new adviser to consult him on the problems of the kingdom, on his own life or on his spiritual doubts.

Latiff always answered with clarity and precision and became the favourite speaker of the king. Three months after his arrival, there wasn't any decision made by the monarch without consulting his valued adviser first.

Obviously this unleashed the jealousy of all the other advisers. They saw in the beggar a threat against their own influences.

One day all of the advisers asked for a private hearing with the king. Very circumspect and with gravity they said to him, "Your friend Latif, as you call him, is conspiring to demolish you."

The king said, "I cannot believe it."

"You can confirm it with your own eyes", they said. "Every evening, at about five o'clock, Latiff slinks away from the palace up to the south wing and he enters a dark room. He meets with someone undercover, we do not know with whom. We have asked him where he was going all these evenings. He gave us evasive answers. His attitude alerted us to his conspiracy."

The king felt defrauded and hurt. He had to confirm these versions.

That evening, at five o'clock, he was waiting for Latiff under the stairs. He saw Latiff come to the door and look all around, with the key hanging from his neck. He opened the wooden door and slinked secretly into the room.

"Did you see him?" The other advisers shouted. "You saw him?"

Followed by his personal guard, the monarch struck the door.

"Who is it?" Latiff asked from the inside.

"I am the King" he said, "Open the door to me."

Latiff opened the door. There was nobody inside, except Latiff. No other doors or windows, no secret doors or any furniture where someone could hide.

Inside the room, there was only a worn out wooden plate; in a corner, a walking stick and in the center of the room a shabby tunic hanging by a hook in the roof.

"Are you conspiring against me Latiff?" the King asked.

"How could I, your Majesty?" Latiff answered. "No way. Why would I do that? Only six months ago, when I first came here, the only thing that I had was this tunic, this plate and this walking stick. Now I feel so comfortable in the clothes that I wear, I feel so comfortable with the bed that I sleep in, I am so flattered by the respect that you give me and so fascinated by the power you allow me... to be close you ... that I come here every day to touch this old tunic to make sure that I do Remember...

WHO I AM AND WHERE I CAME FROM.

True:

We must never forget who we are and where we come from; life turns and we can always return to the same place.

Neck excersice

2009-10-24T13:56:00.003+05:30

A doctor advises his patients to exercise their neck by just reading this message.

In the end, all patients go home happily without asking the doctor for any medications. 'It is very effective,' said the doctor.

'My patients never come back to me again.'

Scroll down...

Scroll down some more..............
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The 5 Riddles...

2009-10-24T11:43:00.001+05:30

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST SET OF FIVE RIDDLES....THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

I know you are laughing.....been easy so far...OK...

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away ?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly
you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and
plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it.. In fact, nothing
is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think
about it, but you still may not find anything odd... But if you work at
it a bit, you might find out.. Try to do so without any coaching!

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

..

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead...
That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

4. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

5.. The letter "e", which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

Hope you liked it... :)

How to cross the bridge?

2009-10-24T11:37:00.002+05:30

A woman who lived in Germany during world war two wanted to cross the German/Swiss border in order to escape nazi pursuers.
The bridge which she is to cross is a half mile across, over a large canyon. Every three minutes a guard comes out of his bunker and checks if anyone is on the bridge.
If a person is caught trying to escape German side to the Swiss side they are shot. If caught crossing the other direction without papers they are sent back. She knows that it takes at least five minutes to cross the bridge, in which time the guard will see her crossing and shoot her.
How does she get across?

(Answer):

She waits until the guard goes inside his hut, and begins to walk across the bridge. She gets a little more than half way, turns around, and begins to walk toward the german side once more. The guard comes out, sees that she has no papers, and sends her back to the swiss side.

Wild guesses!

2009-10-23T13:51:00.001+05:30

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Enjoy The Perfect Hubby

2009-10-22T14:06:00.001+05:30

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.. 10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models.. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "Rs. 40,00,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 2,50,00,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 2,25,00,000. ... They will probably take it. If not, we can go for the extra amount.. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: ............ ........

............ . .......
............ ... .......
............ ... .......
............. .......

............. ... .......
............ . .......
............ .. ........
............ .......
............ ......
............. .......
............ ........
............ ... ........

............ . .......
............. .......
............. .......
............ ... ........
............ .......
............ .......
............. .......

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"

This can happen only in Hindi movies!

2009-10-22T13:58:00.001+05:30

Baghban : Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini are separated right after Holi remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera?). They are said to be separated for six months, ie from March to September. Within that six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which falls on February 14, and karva chauth, which is usually observed in October. There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September!

Lagaan: Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls. Maybe modern cricket learnt from the movie.

Amar Akbar Anthony : Three men donate blood at the same time to the same person.

Awwal Number : Dev Anand is an omnipotent genius -- former cricketer,captain, army chief, commissioner, you name it. And Aamir Khan carries a huge transistor in his pocket while batting!

Khalnayak: The police tracks the villain from an MS Word Document screen! something that office team will be interested in)

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha: Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train chugs off without her. Poor girl,little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Raja Hindustani: Navneet Nishan has short hair before marriage. After tying the knot, she acquires waist-length hair overnight. What a hair-raising experience!

Raja: Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri Dixit. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil. That's what I call an autofill!

Guddu: Manisha Koirala and Shah Rukh Khan are seen hanging on a parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land on a glider. What a switch above sea level!

Tere Mere Sapne : Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is carrying an electrical technology thesis by B L Theraja. What an electrifying interest.

Passing of Moms' and Dads'.!

2009-10-19T09:21:00.007+05:30

How people give explanations! !!!!!!!

Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave
Without any notice.

When he returned his PL asked for explanation.
The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly" .

The PL let it go at That.
After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time the said his
Father died.
Then the PL got changed.

After 3 months the same pattern Repeated.
And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died.
After 3 months same thing again...
And this time his father died.

This Happened repeatedly for 2 years.
At the end, one PL checked his past
Records and told him, "I have caught you red handed,
How come in the Past 2 years,
your mom has died 5 times,
and your dad has died five Times?"

NOW GUESS THE ANSWER...

v
v
.
.
.
.
v
v
.
.
.
.
v
v

To which the guy said,
"Sir, my mom died and my father remarried.
Then my father died and my new mom remarried.
Then my mom died and the new Father remarried.
This has been going on and on and on and..."

3 Parraots

2009-10-15T17:25:00.008+05:30

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,

but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

Adam and God: Joke

2009-10-14T15:57:00.004+05:30

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.

Holy QurAn

2009-10-13T13:29:00.001+05:30

Click here to get Holy QurAn fully..

Existance of God..

2009-10-13T11:58:00.003+05:30

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.They talked about so many things and various subjects. When theyeventually touched on the subject of GOD, the barber said: "I don'tbelieve that GOD exists." "Why do you say that?" asked the customer."Well, you just have to go out in the street to realise that GODdoesn't exist. Tell me. If GOD exists, would there be so many sickpeople? Would there be abandoned children? If GOD existed, therewould be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving GOD whowould allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond Because he didn'twant to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customerleft the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in thestreet with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He lookeddirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he saidto the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you saythat?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And Ijust worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't existbecause if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair anduntrimmed beards, like that man outside." "Ah, but barbers DO exist! "answered the barber. "What happens, is, people do not come to me.""Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! GOD, too, DOESexist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Men and Women

2009-10-12T15:07:00.003+05:30

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you

The drunk

2009-10-12T14:45:00.002+05:30

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "You !!?? No way! You get too violent when you drink.

Puppy

2009-10-12T14:05:00.003+05:30

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read: "Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

"How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.

The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change.

"I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran out in the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.

Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"

The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always be lame.

The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."

The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."

The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."

The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."

To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands. "

Don't we all need someone who understands?

What is confidence?

2009-10-12T14:03:00.001+05:30

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that
the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature
pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is
then told, privately, that their company's software is running the
aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the
aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why
he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,

he replies :

"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!! !

If you are tired just click and take rest!

2009-10-12T13:57:00.008+05:30

Just click here, click on play, then leave the mouse alone , sit back and enjoy a piece of creative brilliance. I wonder who had 'time' to do this.

Angry Husband

2009-10-09T13:52:00.002+05:30

A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did he look?"

"Very angry."

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?"

"He was looking through the window at us."

Little Johnny is at it again ...

2009-10-07T14:10:00.001+05:30

President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.

So our illustrious democratic President asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy?'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.' A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove a over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.' 'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call a great loss.'

The room went silent... No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs.. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'

'Well,' says Little Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss... and it probably wouldn't be a damn accident either.'

Senior's Wisdom

2009-09-26T16:48:00.001+05:30

An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..
On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

All Seniors Aren't Senile

After death..

2009-09-25T09:04:00.004+05:30

A man died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'
Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible, ' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.

'Brown's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

Fun Time!

2009-09-24T17:16:00.009+05:30

Q. Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
A. Because he didn't have enough guts

What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had, in a way you do not understand

What is the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department of the parachute company.

Whats black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper!

In a 100 Meter Race it was announced "1 2 3 start".
All started running except Santa.
Coach- Y r u waitin?
Santa- My no. is 4

"Yaar 1Ladki muje hans ke dekh rhi h"
Frnd:"Abe Dhyan se dekh,Hans k dekh rahi hai ya dekh ke hans rahi hai"

Galib Ne

Tourist:Is Fort me koi bhoot he kya?
Guide: Me yaha itne saalo se kaam kar raha hoon,aaj tak nahi dekha.
T: kitne saal hue?
G: 300 saal..

Makan Malik-Mai tumko kiraya dene k liye aur 3 din ki mohlat deta hu
Snta-Theek hai ji,mai Diwali,Holi Or Chrismas ke 3 din select karta Hu

Santa: Tumhare Ghar Me Badh Ka Pani Ghus Gaya Hai.
Banta: Oye Kyo Jhuth Bolta Hai Ghar Ki Chabi To Mere Paas Hai.

Judge-Tum par cycle chori ka ilzaam sabit nahi hua, Lihaza tumko baa-izzat bari kiya jata hai.
Chor- Iska matlab mai Wo Cycle rakh lu?

BaNta: Teri Biwi Ko Car Chahiye Thi, TuNe Use DiamoNd RiNg KyuN Di.?
SaNta: MaiN Nakli Car Kaha Se Lata?

Aboosoft® Blogs.. Enjoy It..!!

Laws (Funny)

2009-09-19T16:45:00.004+05:30

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to
itch and you'll have to pee..

& Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.

& Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone
always answers.

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move
faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor
covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet/rug.

& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

& Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by
the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment
and you'll stay sick.

& Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Intelligent questions

2009-09-07T15:35:00.004+05:30

You are stranded on an Island and on that island are 3 all knowing all powerful gods. One god is the god of truth, who always tells the truth and can never lie. The second god is the god of lies, he always lies and never tells the truth. The 3rd god is the god of chaos, he tells both lies and truths, however, completely randomly. The gods appear as identical twins, they all look the same. The gods also speak a language that you do not understand, except that you know that uga and booga are the responses yes and no (you however do not know which word is yes and which is no).

You can only ask 3 yes or no questions to the gods in order to figure out which god is which. What 3 questions do you ask?

Five Riddles for You

2009-09-03T13:54:00.009+05:30

Questions:

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away ?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!

Answers:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.

4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!

5. The letter “ e “, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

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